Breaking Up

I now know the pain of breaking the loved one’s heart, I finally recognise the moments when it becomes clear it is all going to end. I see the image in my head, the image that lead me to it.

I had a feeling in my heart all along, I knew that break up was coming but I was so optimistic about it. I told myself I would be fine and I could get through it. I was worried about him more than myself.

That night we went out with my friends, went clubbing and had great time. The arguments started just a bit later and he ended up walking out of the club. He sent me a text asking to come outside, we tried to talk but it just didn’t work. He started being rude to me and was asked to leave by a waitress. My heart was beating fast and I knew that this was make or break type. He sent me a text ‘I’m on the floor outside’ – I came out and saw him, sitting down, with his head down and a look on his face that said it all- he knew it too. He was drunk and told me he’d rather die than let me go, he didn’t want to go anywhere; he didn’t want me to leave. I told him we should just go home. We went to his house together. We slept together and I told him next morning that I couldn’t be with him anymore.

He told me he’d do anything to make up to me so I told him the only way to make it up to me is let me go.
He said ‘OK’ –gave me a big hug, few kisses, he hardly moved back from me and told me ‘goodbye’

I knew that moment that I broke his heart that as soon as he turned around his eyes started watering. Maybe he didn’t cry but I know that he was close to it.

The night before I left him, when I saw him sitting on a floor, I knew he loved me more than anything and he’d fall into pieces. There was no way to stop it and I had to go ahead and end it.

I am glad he understood me, he called me a few times; spoke to me about what he’s going to do, how he’s going to change and how he will give me a random call. We always talked for ages and never ran out of the things to say and he promised me to still call me and have a chat. We both know we can talk to each other about absolutely everything and we have so much in common. Relationship was so good, I didn’t realise it until it got out of the hand, he then done enough to push me away and things can’t come back to where they were. It’s too hard when someone so close to you becomes someone you have to forget. It’s so hard when you are the best friends and even after the break up you want to know each other… you know it is going to be too painful to handle and you just got to let go.

This is something I have to deal with before I start a new life. This is something that I will think of for a long long time; every time I go out I will feel lonely as I’ll know people may like me but no one really cares about me. Every time someone asks how I feel I will feel a burning pain in my heart. This is something I will deal with and I am so afraid.

There are loads of good things to come, loads of good parties and laughs and it is simple sad that I won’t get to share the best experiences with him.

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