I am looking for someone to share a place in East London with. I can't find a 1 bedroom flat that's big enough for me not to feel like I'm being illegally trafficked, and cheap enough that my wallet isn't just a place to put my library cards. As a result, I'm going to have to pair up (maybe even triple up) on this search.

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THE PERSON:

Now rather than get 50 e-mails from potential nightmares, I will put together a list of personality requirements:

The right candidate will have a general dislike for the weather and all conversations relating to it. They will be able to laugh at themselves, and occasionally enjoy laughing at others.

They will have a love for at least three of the following musical artists: The Smiths, Nina Simone, Miles Davis, The Doors, Prince, Them, Talking Heads. When they say they have an eclectic taste in music they will mean it (this excludes drum and bass without melody).

They will appreciate the comics Bill Hicks, Chris Rock, Larry David, Rickey Gervais, while also enjoying the work of Christopher Morris and Charlie Brooker - though will not bang on about any of them for any length of time.

If they are a male they must have an air of Gentleman about them. If they are female they must be Lady-like.

If they claim to be an artist they must be unpretentious, grounded and completely unhindered by ridiculous political ideologies (philosophical ones are welcome). I don't want to share my morning cereal with conspiracy theories. Likewise they should not be unaware of life's inbalance - and their tax return doesn't need to be perfect.

They should be tidy, but willing to forego tidiness for a good party every once in a while.

Ideally you will have few friends (if any) due to your ridiculously high standards (though lots of associates are welcome). Shorditch idiots need not apply.

Finally, they should take these requirements with an ever-so-slight pinch of salt. I don't want someone to think they've stumbled on a half-baked intellectual who needs to be bombarded with emails challenging his wit.

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ABOUT ME:

I'm an illustrator and programmer for an educational company, though I have my fingers in a lot of pies (music, filmaking, writing). I'm 23. I'm friendly, ambitious, clean, will fart in my own room. Good looking and occasionally charming.

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THE PLACE:

The roof over my head will be spacious and in the area of East London. Stoke Newington, Hackney, Stamford Hill - somewhere with a pulse.

My budget is £100 to £200 a week (depending on whether bills are included). But I'm willing to negotiate depending on the situation.

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Email me if you're interested.

Jack

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