i'm hoping for a connection. just mentally. i write and rewrite these words as if it were like breathing. i dont want to believe that it has become trivial to output these thoughts. i'm alone, no matter who is around me. i've attempted to be self reliant in that sense, not needing anyone for my own happiness or content. sometimes u get tired with content and you just want happiness. all of this is a consequence of being human. the advantage only comes under specific circumstances. i just want to feel comfortable being alone, because when it's time to go, there's nothing but mirrors all around u. i dont want it to be mistaken though. i've relished in the undeniable energy that comes with being filled with emotions and varying thoughts. i'm just exhausted.... i feel like i have so much to give but it feels like my fuel has diminished and now i'm just running off of fumes. i've come to understand most existential thoughts but refuse to follow in that path wholeheartedly because of what the real world consists of. i need to stop for now...

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