This is quite a long thing so if you have no patience please do not read.



Ok the problem being i am a 23yr old in avery steady long-termstraight relationship. I am heavily in-love with my partner who is brilliant and very accepting and open. My problem is my sexuality. 6years ago when i became sexually active i lost my virginity to a man (she does not know this). I joined a adult personals site with the intention of meeting a female to lose my V, however a huge numer of men e-mailed me for attention and i guess the idea of being wanted swayed me. I am open to sexuality, and the reason i went with a guy was because i had masturbated with a phallic shaped object during masturbation and penetrated myself with it which was pleasurable. When i had sex with a guy however i was top, and the whole thing sucked and turned me off the idea of a repeat.



Since then & meeting my partner we have since penetrated my anus with a dildo and a vibrator. We bought these sex toys to spicen up our sex life and use on her, but i did confess about the previous penetration issue and we discussed and tried it on two occasions. During the early stages of our relationship a male gay friend admitted he wanted to have sex with me, my gf understood and said i could if i wanted to get the experience, i declined. For a number of years she has since offered further penetrative sex with toys and said i can go with other people if i wanted to experiment etc. I have always declined.



However i have been past a number of gay saunas in various cities and always been curious, i have even rang a few of these places up discreetly to try and find out as much detail as i can. I have contemplated using them even though i know the risks of disease/uncleanliness/danger/ and the fact that i dont seem to fancy any men celebrities/personal life apart from say 1 in a million i meet, and thats more of an 'hes really hot' rather than 'i want to fuck him'.



I am just so unsre what to do, i cant stop imagining what it would be like again with a guy if it could be better, i often fantasise whn i masturbate about going to a gay sauna and just letting go and enjoying. I don't know if i could physically go through with it, but yes i do love male-male anal sx type penetration on myself. it's just awkward and all these constant thoughts do make me question whether i should explore my fantasies/thoughts/feelings/whatever.



Just had to vent as it has been one of those days of fantasising. sorry & thanks for your time.

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