I am posting this ad on behalf of my friend Nick.
He claims that his mother was looking after his sister's cat when it went missing, however, i have my doubts about that, and suspect that Nick was the culprit who allowed the cat to escape.
Nick's sister is on holiday, but is due back tomorrow, so we have left it late in posting this ad but are hopeful that the good people of Gumtree will aid us in our hour of need.
(I don't even like cats - i'm allergic to them, y'see - i'm just doing this to help out a friend. I don't fancy him in the slightest by the way, and anyone who says that i do is a liar, and i will thrash them to within an inch of their lives with a birch branch no thicker than my thumb). >:(

The cat is a 7 year old male. Nick tells me that it has 'a small willy' - disturbing that he should know this fact, much less feel the need to mention it. It's a black cat with white paws and half a white nose (it's not Michael Jackson - it has a full nose, but half of it is white). It's called Quigly and is nervous around people.
It went missing on Chelsea Manor St, SW3 on Wednesday.

We are offering a reward.
If you are a straight male/gay female and you find the cat, then i will take you on an all-expenses paid date. (A kebab - or similar, and a few drinks - there's a recession you know).
If you are a straight female/gay male then Nick will take you on an all-expenses paid date. He has more money than me, so you might even get a sit-down meal with him, rather than a takeaway job.
We won't even expect you to put out at the end of the night. Well, i might, but Nick's a perfect gentleman.
Alternatively, if the idea of a date with us does not appeal to you (and really, we can't blame you for this) then a reward of another nature will be offered. It's a secret - find the cat, then i'll tell you what it is. It's great though. You won't want to miss it.

If you have any information on Quigly then please contact me.
We have already considered buying another cat and trying to pass it off as Quigly, but we fear the sister is too old to fall for this.
Also, if you knocked Quigly down and left him dying by the side of the road then very bad karma is coming your way.

>:(

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