Oh my Goooooooooooooooooooood Are you Esmay?
My little sister inlaw? The only person I know whose deaf?

£12,500 was the exact amount Rebecca spent on the memorial service to Freddie! I was there! Oh my Goooooooooooood I'm always reading confessions, fancy meeting someone you know....

Woooooooooow! I didn't know you were Bi! You kept that quiet (Wait till I tell your brother hee hee)
Having sex with men over 50? 68! Why???? That's older than your dad Esmay. I thought only desperate women did that, you have money, your pretty, your intelligent. so why?! Were going to have a talk about this... Seriously. (It's disgusting)
Ahahahahaha now I will always know not to believe you when you text to cancel just because your epileptic and whose the fat girl anyway?

I loooooooove gumtree

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+ I'm 23 but have mostly slept with men over 50, the oldest was 68 he was actually the best I think it could be the years of experience he had with giving oral, I don't know, but he was excellent.

+ When your Deaf almost everyone (even your family) thinks your stupid but occasionally it DOES have it's advantages as you would not believe how many people have told their secrets (affairs, jobs, sex life etc) and juicy gossip RIGHT infront of me (yes I can lip read) when their secret gets out (yes I can talk. Slowly with great effort but I can talk) noone ever suspects and comes after me!

+ One of my rules is I never sleep with married or taken men but that doesn't apply to women and I love all types.

+ I secretly LOVE having Epilepsy; I use it as an excuse for almost everything!

+ One of my biggest regrets is putting broken glass into the robe of a better gymnast so when she plunged her hands in she'd cut herself and couldn't peform I won but the medal means nothing to me because of how I got it.

+ I KNEW your husband was cheating on you but I knew you wouldn't believe me which is why I drove us for miles to some poxy dirty cafe because I know that's where he takes her.
Sorry. I didn't think you'd collapse like that.

+ I couldn't come to your cats stupid funeral because I was busy doing nothing not because I was feeling drowsy from the Anti Epileptic Medication, but from what people said about the massive fight you had with 2 guests who also thought spending £12,500 on dead cat was stupid I'm REALLY REALLY sorry I missed it.

+ I tired telling you nicely your weight is already affecting your physical and emotional Health. I pretend I don't notice you gasping for air when we walk up the stairs, I defend you when your 'friends' bad talk and laugh at you when your not around
But the truth is you're not "lovely and curvey". You are not "a little chunky" You're not even fat you're OBESE I mean you're really really BIG I don't what to do because your so so sensitive about EVERYTHING!

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