Size and weight – Can occasionally vary, but typical specifications are proportional, at 5’11” in height and 13.5 stone in weight.
Image quality – While we wouldn’t suggest that this refurbished version is gorgeous, it certainly would make a handsome addition to any home.
Sound quality – An English accent comes as standard, but can be dubbed into a very small number of foreign tongues if the occasion requires.
Volume – Decibel levels occasionally vary with the addition of alcohol, but the normal operating volume is perfectly acceptable.
Controls – Occasionally displays stubbornness, can be a little temperamental and wants to go its own way.
Reliability – Extremely reliable, and in high-intensity quality testing was shown not to break down at the mention of words such as ‘commitment’, ‘emotion’ and ‘shopping’. Technical glitches are normally fixed by the addition of beer or good red wine.
Versatility – This product can run in varied locations without displaying any signs of discomfort. Last tested at the Royal Opera House, a Notting Hill bar, and The Zutons’ concert at Somerset House.
Compatibility – Has been known to work equally as well with foreign imports as products developed in the UK.
Battery life – Runs for hours, and very infrequently switches off at important moments. Operating time may be extended through playing with his buttons.
Cleaning – The DP30 is fully self-cleaning and requires very little maintenance.
Settings and functions – Travel settings are particularly agreeable.
Safety rating - Very safe, and not known for any gratuitous violence. May occasionally appear in foreign countries with little notice after getting himself into trouble by losing bets.
Service history – Past owners known to be satisfied with performance. A full service history is available on demand.
Availability – Very limited. Only one product known to be in existence.
Optional extras – Please ask if you have any additional requirements for this product, and we will see if this is possible.
Future upgrades – Japanese language settings currently being installed.
Cost – Compares very well to products of a similar age and type. A special offer of a 24-hour commitment free trial is available to applicants who haven’t previously shown an interest.

Recommendation – The DP30 is one of the very few machines we’ve found to satisfy the main requirements frequently requested by buyers for a product of this nature. Due to its limited availability and potential value we recommend that you contact us with your details as soon as possible, as we would like to take you for a test drive on the evening of Saturday July 26. Pictures and further information are available upon request.

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