I've figured love out. That love that says I want to wake up today BECAUSE your here, I want to open my eyes and my first thought is where is she, and is she staring at me like I'd stare at her if I woke up first? And every move I make I wonder, is this an opportunity to show her I love her?
It gets to a wonderful encompassing effect where you pick something for yourself but wonder how she'd feel if she saw it but because you care about what she values and she is your world and you feel that you are hers. It reaches out to every possible location on earth you could go, and you absolutely feel it every time your connected to it or when they even think about you, you feel that thought, that you can't explain with archaic words, and get a warm euphoria that you can’t wait to be with her again. It’s a smile she gives you when she sees you that reminds you that she is amazing.
It’s a hug that never feels like a normal hug, it’s a hug that feels like heat and metal combining at melting temperatures, it’s a kiss that you never want to end, so tender and passionate yet continues when you break off to breathe in your lovers scent.
A hug and kiss that makes you feel not as two people kissing but as one entity expressing its self in the pureness that is passion.
A feeling that you thought only a child could feel, but a feeling that is reborn, reincarnated in her, its how she becomes the more magical because her gifts come all year, every second of every day, with more passion and value than anything you could ever want to hold in your hand, as the little things become the big things, because her magical smile is just that amazing.. It's a glance across the room that everyone between you feels in a warm euphoria they can't quite make out but as soon as they see the two of you they understand as instinct.
It’s the buildup of a great conversation where both of you feel what the other is saying completely and instantly, naturally, where you hang on every word they say no matter how long or how boring it would be to other people including subjects you don't give a dam about. It's just the sound of her voice on a recording. It's the yearning to see learn and feel every moment in that person’s life, everything they've ever experienced, felt or had. It's the gracious selection of facial expressions you memorize the first time you see them and cherish new ones.
It’s a woman you care so deeply for and respect so devotionally, so deeply that her happiness means everything and her friends mean everything, even that one mean spirited, judgmental friend she loves to hang with, or grew up with so she tolerates her attitude but doesn't like it, that doesn't get you or understand why she'd be with you when they think she can do better, because they just don't see what she sees and feels. What you make her feel, what you wake up inside her that only she can and is allowed to feel from and about you...
The secret you can't really even if you wanted to share, for it cannot be expressed in any other way than through the non material, non verbal planes of love... And because she can't express it, no matter how much she explains it to them they just don't "get it" but you do, and you understand and still cherish her friends because, you value her opinion and know she wouldn't have friends that aren't amazing in some way.
It's an unending ability to forgive and get past anything or anyone because you know in the end you will be in her arms and nothing could ruin your day unless she wasn't in it. It's the patience you acquire because of this amazing gift she gives to you and doesn't even know she did.
It's the girl who'd hold your hand every chance she got, because the warmth of your hand in hers makes her feel secure and safe, and she knows that this to you shows you she loves your touch, and you. It’s the moment where you can't fall asleep without hearing her voice, smelling her alluring scent on the sheets, or watching her face as you fade out...
It's the moment you can't function if you had to go a day without hearing her sweet voice even if it was just a recording on her voicemail on her cell phone, or a recording you saved of a message she sent you.
It’s the messages you get for no reason other than she missed YOU, it’s the message you left on her cell phone that she secretly saved for 3 years just so she can hear your voice when she feels lonely at work that she doesn't tell anyone about. The voice of you just saying good morning on her answering machine that removes her loneliness in the second the sound hits her ears...
It's the moments where you do something amazingly brilliant and she notices when no one else does or cares. It's the moment when the most beautiful scene on earth is rivaled by her presence and she becomes the scene and the scene the blank canvas where she paints the beauty onto it... It's the ambition you get when you feel the security of love. It’s the power to exceed even your own highest aspirations, it’s the kind of girl who you give all the credit to for even your solely created work, because you realize it was her love that made you strong enough, passionate enough a person to persevere...
I could go on but in short I miss love, real love synonymous with connection, friendship, true power, perseverance, tenacity, Integrity and concepts I couldn't even begin to conceptualize in this plane of existence.. the big one, the biggest of them all… Passion which is the truest most recognizable manifestation of love. Sometimes their even interchangeably defined.

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