According to an article in a magazine, a committed relationship goes through 5 key stages.
These are:

1. The Romance Stage
This is when you and your partner have just met, and everything is absolutely amazing. You can’t get enough of each other. Neither of you can do any wrong in the eyes of the other… mainly because you’re both still on your best behaviour.
2. The Disillusionment Stage
This is where you begin to realize that your partner is actually a human being (horror of horrors!). You get to know each other more and more, and as a result you start recognizing their various flaws and shortcomings. You see your partner in relaxed situations, and you become more relaxed as well.
3. The Power Struggle Stage
As the characteristics from the Disillusionment Phase intensify, they become harder and harder to deal with. You will most likely begin to pull away from each other in this stage. At this point, you both still believe that conflict is a “bad” thing, but you are increasingly aware of your many differences. You fight to draw boundaries in the relationship, and as a result even small annoyances become big issues.
4. The Stability Stage
This is a restful and peaceful time, compared to the last stage. This stage is also known as the Friendship Phase or Reconciliation Stage. Some couples never make it to this stage, but the ones who do find that they have deeper feelings of love, connection and trust with their partner. You now have history together, and most people begin to rely on the predictability of the relationship.
5. The Commitment Stage
This is the stage when both couples have a clear notion of who their partner is, faults, foibles and weaknesses galore… yet they make a conscious choice to be with this person in spite of all of those things (and in some cases, because of those things). You are no longer with your partner because you need them, but because you’ve chosen them, which means the level of resentment you felt in the Power Struggle Phase has decreased, if not disappeared.

Now, I read this article in disbelief, as none of my relationships have ever gone through these stages.
Instead, my relationships go through the stages outlined below:

1. The ‘Who-the-hell-are-you-and-how-did-I-get-here?’ Stage
This is where I wake up with a pounding hangover next to a snoring, hairy, naked man. Clothes may or may not be scattered around the floor. He may or may not have scratches down his back. I may or may not rush to the bathroom (but end up in the airing cupboard) being sick.
2. The Introduction Stage
This is where we finally get acquainted. Usually I will be hanging over the toilet bowl being sick and he may or may not be pissing in the sink whilst telling me how and where we met and what a goer I am. Too weak and confused to resist, I give him my phone number although decline his suggestion that I perform an act of oral love on him.
3. The Sober Meeting Stage
We meet up again when I am sober and bright eyed, and I realise that he is not as hairy as I first thought. In fact, he’s quite cute. Without the curse of alcohol, we are both on our best behaviour.. We get on fabulously and we part after a chaste kissing, promising to meet up again soon.
4. The Still On Best Behaviour Stage
Comfortable familiarity. The sharing of poorly written poetry. Dinners, movies and walks in the park. Thinly veiled secretive lusting and only the minimal of sexual groping. This stage lasts for approximately a week.
5. The Lust Stage
Nothing else exists in the universe except him. I forget all about my friends and family. I don’t need food and water to sustain life. I fear that heart will burst from excessive joy. No dinners, no movies, just a tangled mass of naked, sweating, thrusting bodies. Our neighbours pound on ceiling/walls/floor, shouting at us to keep the bloody noise down. This stage lasts for approximately two months.
6. The Familiarity Breeds Contempt Stage
I start raiding the refrigerator or turning on the television after sex. The frequency and timing of sex becomes predictable. I have sex not because I want it but because I can have it. I no longer make sure my legs are shaved, and he forgets what my sexy lingerie looks like. I fantasise about others whilst getting it on. Friends begin hearing from me again. I start farting and burping in front of him now. This stage lasts for around a month.
7. The ‘You-are-really-pissing-me-off’ Stage
What I once considered to be cute habits of his are now driving me insane. I have a desire to strangle him in his sleep. He refers to me as ‘the nag’. I moan at him constantly for not ‘understanding and respecting my feelings’. I masturbate because sex is too much of an effort. I flirt with other men, and he mentions far too often ‘Sarah’ the new girl at his work who is pretty and blonde and who is not a nag. This lasts for two weeks.
8. The ‘Don’t-let-the-door-hit-you-on-the-way-out’ Stage
This is where it ends after a drunken, screaming argument. He’ll tell me that I’m no fun any more and…have I put on weight? I’ll throw the heaviest object I can find at him. He’ll gather up his meagre possessions and try to make a dignified exit as I continue to hurl abuse at him (usually centred around the size of his manhood). There will be a nasty fight over who owns the Strokes CD. Apparently, jut because I was there when he bought it does not mean that it is mine.
I will then drown my sorrows in a whole tub of strawberry cheesecake Haggen daaz ice-cream, calling my best-friend up to wail at how heartbroken I am. She will remind me that I actually didn’t like him very much in the end, and then we will move on to discussing what is happening in Corrie.

So…who fancies going through my 8 stages with me??

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