Watching the movie ‘Fatal Attraction’ is like watching my own life - only with a happier ending.
That’s the reason why I’ve resorted to posting a dating ad on this website.
It stands to reason that if you’re looking for a date on here then you must be as screwed up/desperate/emotionally stunted/weird/just plain crazy* as I am. (* delete as applicable).

Firstly, I am fat. If that bothers you more than the fact I am a bit strange then move along now.
If that doesn’t bother you then, when can we get married?
Ok, so I’m a fat 28 year old. I’m approximately 5ft 6 tall - 3ft 6” when I’m on my knees begging you not to leave me.
I’ve not had the best of times with guys lately but I want to make it quite clear that just because I’ve never had a relationship that’s lasted longer than 33 minutes doesn’t mean I’m easy.
In fact, I have managed to maintain a satisfactory level of pleasure with my ‘massager’ from Ann Summers, but I now am at the stage where I long to receive the same pleasure without having to recharge a lithium battery.

For once, I would like to meet a man who will sweep me off my feet (not literally…you couldn’t! Don’t worry, I’ll carry you over the thresh-hold), dazzle me with his charm and intelligence and make me feel special. If you decide that you’re gay after only a few hours then we’ll work through it.
Once I allow you to take over my life I'm pretty much yours to do anything - until you tire of me. Then I will swing into poetry mode, unleashing the stalking and late night phone call phase of the relationship.
I yearn for an evolving complex relationship with a healthy dose of medication where you learn to accept my insecurities and paranoia and psychotic tendencies.

I dislike people who shout, ‘Get off me! I can’t breathe!’ during intimate moments…However, if you think you’ve got what it takes, let’s get together. We’ll have a few drinks, I’ll strap you on and we’ll go from there.

No married men - unless your wife doesn’t understand you.

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